Note: This was a satirical post for April Fool’s Day.
It is time to come clean, we have some weird public art in Bellingham. Any tourist will tell you they are completely baffled by some of the public sculptures that adorn our streets. Here’s FIVE examples of just how weird our public art is.
1. That spinny globe thing in front of the WTA Bus Station
Seriously, did we rob the Daily Planet in Metropolis of their building decoration? What the heck is going on with that thing? Maybe it was just a hood ornament on a very very large car. Either way, I think if it spins fast enough, you can send a very tiny Jodie Foster into outer space to meet her dad.
2. The giant man-eating Salmon Mural
There you are, peacefully just walking downtown then OH GOD, THAT GIANT SALMON IS GOING TO EAT ME! What the heck?! Yes, we really do need a two story picture of a salmon downtown to scare little children who like to eat fish. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE BAGEL SPREAD NOW?!
All I’m saying is when I sat on the bench, I had my wallet but when I left, it was gone. If I find him at that Steakhouse eating on my dime, well, let’s just say I’ve got a smelting pot with his name on it.
4. Man Humping Bear Statue may actually cause injuries
Yes, everyone knows that WWU has a statue of a man with a bear on his lap with both of their heads thrown back in that ecstasy akin to downing the first sip of that delicious latte. What they don’t know is the Student Health center at WWU regularly treats patients who have fallen off this statue trying to take a selfie with the man and the bear at the same time. It doesn’t work, they are too far apart. Unless you have a selfie stick.
5. Giant Glowing Something on Holly Street
Seriously, what the heck is it?! Is it a giant google maps pin made real? Is it a microphone (a nod to the SPARK Museum just down the street) or maybe it is some alien spike, sent to monitor all communications inside Bayou on the Bay (a well known meeting place for all extraterrestrial activity). Either way, the Mayor needs to put a task force on this right away.