Posted by: sweeneyblog | April 5, 2010

My Whatcom County Dictionary

Usually, I grace this column with a thoughtful essay about some pressing issue, however this week I am quite busy launching a candidate for public office, so I set down my political hack hat and put on my best Ambrose Bierce.

            As the overly-educated readers of my blog will know, Ambrose Bierce was a writer from the turn of the 20th century who wrote a satirical lexicon called The Devil’s Dictionary. In the book, Bierce took popular words and phrases, and offered ironic definitions for the amusement of the readers. This week, I aim to do just that with a local twist.

Herald, the

            (noun) Usually referring to one who comes before to announce much, as opposed to here where it is something that comes two days after to announce little.

Tea Party

            (noun) Once a practice of the wealthy to waste their time, now a practice of the angry to waste ours.

Constitutional Argument

            (noun) A rare creature, this has been mistakenly sighted several times in the last year but has yet to have a documented appearance.

 

Pull a (Seth) Fleetwood,

            (verb) This is the practice of appearing at an event long enough for everyone to remember you are there with out actually appearing.

Port of Bellingham

            (noun) Either a very good wine or a very poor governing body.

McShane Machine

            (noun) See “Boogeyman”

(Wendy) Harris-ment

            (noun) The moment when the Councilman Crawford realizes the audience is smarter than him.

 

Beck-ish

            (adjective) A conversation that starts out common enough but quickly dissolves into paranoid ramblings and awkward displays of emotion.

 

(Barbara) Brenner-ing

            (verb) To construct a sentence in such a manner you have nullified any chances of it being understood.

Fairhaven

            (noun) Coming from the word faeger meaning “beautiful or pleasant way” and haefen meaning “to take your money.”

Crawford

            (noun) Location where progress can become stuck.

 Tsunami Election

            (noun) When your candidates sweep into office

Weird Fluke

            (noun) When their candidates sweep into office

Michelle Luke-ing it

            (verb) There is no definition here. Just 48 seconds of pure awkward silence.

I apologize for everyone I’ve missed and congratulate everyone I’ve abused. Go ahead and comment with any of your own personal definitions.

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