Posted by: sweeneyblog | August 27, 2008

Riley examines primary candidates that made it

So last October I did a breakdown of all the people running for president. Here are my profiles of people who now are on the ticket:

John McCain
Senator from Arizona, Candidate in 2000, Former POV in the Vietnam war. Frequent Guest on the Daily Show. Much older than he looks (71 yrs old).

  • The “Surge” in Iraq (where we suddenly send over a ton more guys) was his idea. He believes whole-heartedly in fighting this “to the bitter end”
  • Pro-life, Anti-Gay Marriage, Anti-Stem Cell
  • Wrote one of the original Campaign Finance reform bills, now takes lobbiest dollars hand over fist. You decide.
  • Big on fighting Global Warming. Joined with Al Gore in condemning Bush for not doing enough to fight Global Warming.
  • Was against torture, with good reason (see above) until Cheney brought him in for a secret meeting at the White House. Then he came out for legalizing torture of terror suspects.
  • In favor of immigrant guest worker visas to make it easier for mexicans that are just working in America to pay taxes and become citizens without getting criminalized.
  • In favor of wiretapping.

Pros: He used to be this great moderate with a strong military background, fiscally conservative and generally rather rebellious towards conventional authority. Plus, he is funny. He is the only Republican candidate that will crack jokes about himself and have it not be awkward.

Cons: Can’t raise any money, is getting pummeled in the polls. Ron Paul is doing better these days than McCain. Moreover, whatever rebel spirit he had in 2000, it has all been beaten out of him. Now he is straightline white house stooge. Plus he caved on torture. Seriously dude, you have actually been tortured, and you want to turn around and make it legal?

Barack Obama
   Second in national polls and first in the media’s heart. First term senator from Illinois. Before that, community activist. Suspiciously young looking. Very eloquent. Stresses rising above partisan struggle.


  • Opposed the war before most other did. Believes in the Iraq Study group plan of moving troops out of the country but keeping them in the area should they need to “fight insurgents”. Also includes troop withdrawals with provisions for rest and body armor.
  • Make it so everybody has access to the same health care program congress uses, through subsidizing their insurance payments.
  • Actually fund No Child Left Behind while increasing teacher pay.
  • Limit corporate donations to politicians through vigorous oversight.
  • Signing Kyoto Treaty.
  • Immediate action to stop the Genocide in Darfur.
  • Pro Civil Unions, against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
  • For complete and accurate sexual education

Pros: Damn can this man talk. He is charismatic and eloquent. Has a real appeal to moderates and people who don’t usually vote. Crushes the opposition in the general election match ups. New, relatively few skeletons in the closet.

Cons: Not alot of experience so is active very tentatively. Voted against the Iraq war funding but did not lead a filibuster and waited till the last minute to vote. Tends to be overly cautious when responding to republican smear attempts.

Joe Biden
     Long term senator from Deleware. Expert in the area of foreign relations. Most likely to remind you fondly of a playful uncle.


  • Biden believes in splitting Iraq into three seperate regions for the Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds while security and oil-sharing would be run by a single shared government in Baghdad.
  • Wants to remove most troops from Iraq while leaving a contengient there to protect them from Iranian influence
  • Believes in an aggresive foreign policy to secure energy resources abroad
  • Supports Civil Unions
  • His health care plan keeps current insurances system but includes plans for an electronic database to remove excess beauracracy.
  • More international support with fighting Global Warming
  • Fully fund no child left behind
  • Completely fund Homeland Security

Pros: This guy is a foreign policy wonk. Dude, he has diplomat stamped to his forehead. He is more hawkish (war-like) than Hillary, and overall a moderate which would help in the general election.

Cons: He made some rather inflammatory commments about black people, nobody knows who he is and it almost seems like he is running for secretary of state rather than president.


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